Hug a Stranger, Item #8

The world is definitely short on a few items. I know for a fact, one of those things is love. According to the Four Wise Men, George, John, Paul and Ringo, it is all you need. But it is so easy to look at the news, movies, magazines, billboards, and so on, and realize that there is a huge, gaping hole where love should be. We pump the airwaves full of visions of rape, murder, bigotry, and violence. Yet acts of love, such as sex, are treated as pornographic. We are conditioned to keep to ourselves, keep a watchful eye out for people who do not look like they belong. We are taught that who we are is not good enough, that we are lacking, either as a person, or, most often, physically. To over turn such a massive social construct, or trend, seems like it would take tremendous effort. Yet I believe, in the words of the late comedian Bill Hicks, "It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love."

I do not remember why I decided such a thing should wind up on my Bucket List, but I am glad it did. I talked my co-worker, Kimberly, into joining me for a night of passing out free hugs. On Jan 7th, 2010, Kimberly and I put my plan into action. Kimberly had made a sign that read, "Hugz 4 Free", and we walked up and down Mill Avenue in Tempe, AZ, passing out free hugs to strangers. I was concerned that no one would hug us and we would get weird stares, funny looks, and insults. She and I had only expected a maximum of ten people to take us up on our offer. We were wrong, by a long shot.

With total sobriety in our heads and the sign in my hands, it was time to go for it. Kimberly and I hugged about 30 people our first time around. We hugged men, women, and every homeless person on the street. Every homeless person seemed genuinely thankful. I assume it because they are almost always ignored, or looked down upon. For them to receive an open, honest, heartfelt hug from a total stranger is probably the exact opposite of how they are constantly treated. One particular fellow even stated that he had not been hugged in two years. Judging by his smell, I would say that was not a lie. We hugged a self-proclaimed "traveller", an individual who just wanders from city to city for the adventure of it all. Sadly, he had been in Tempe a few days and said that we were the nicest people he had met so far. We hugged a group of four pre-teen girls, all of which I gave a shoulder to shoulder hug, not chest to chest because that would just be uncomfortable. We even hugged two old women who just finished dinner and were waiting to cross the street.

Mill Avenue, for those familiar with it, might seem like an unusual spot to pick. Kimberly and I chose to do this here because she had an Eating Disorders Anonymous meeting to attend in the area (I did get permission from her to share this, otherwise the anonymous part would have been ruined). Just before heading off to her meeting, we ran into a young man that we had previously hugged, and wanted another. We sat and talked about his problems for a few minutes, he and Kimberly exchanged numbers, and I told him we had to leave for her meeting. After the two of them discussed her meeting and his Narcotics Anonymous meetings, Kimberly and I made our way to were she needed to be. Shortly after arrival, this kid began texting her to see if he could join us, which he wound up doing.

At this point, the EDA meeting began. I really wish I could share what was said in this meeting. It was very interesting to witness such honesty and openness. There was zero judgement, total support, and absolute attention paid to whomever was speaking. Outside of myself, and the tag-a-long kid, this group was all women, except for one guy. He only introduced himself, and did not speak again until after the meeting. I made it a point to talk to this man after the meeting. Again, I wish I could share what was said. I was glad to have spoken with him, as men have one unique tendency, we will not talk about what is going on in our hearts and minds in a group of people, unless another man speaks first. This is why men have conversations about sports, movies, tv and so on. Sharing, on the level of this meeting, is not what we do. Even if I was only there for this guy for a moment, at least he had someone to say something to.

After the meeting, I invited a few people to join Kimberly and myself to give out some more free hugs. Only the tag-a-long joined us. It only took a few minutes for us to convince him to go home, as Mill Ave was pretty much empty at 9pm, which is strange as it the main location for the night life in Tempe. Since we had no one to hug, we decided to grab a bite to eat. Once our late night snack was finished, we gave Mill Avenue one more go. Kimberly and I managed to pass out a handful more hugs before heading home. We did not get too far before she wanted some yogurt. Sitting on the hood of her car, we recalled how fantastic the night had been. I have never had such a wonderful time in my life. I do not recall ever feeling so loved, or so loving. The hugs we gave were without condition, and so numerous that I feel silly for thinking only ten would be given. I am glad to have chosen to live in love. It is three days later and I can still feel the happiness and joy running through me.

Complete a Half Marathon, Item #7 Part 1

When I was kid, I used to love running. The overwhelming majority of my childhood memories had something to do with me running. In elementary school, you could not beat me on track and field day. In middle school, I was the master of the 800m and 1600m, and I was in the top 10 for cross country finals both years. I stopped being involved in school sports in high school, but nothing could stop me from running every day after school. I would run four miles, in boots and regular clothing, through desert, up hills, on surface streets, and whatever else I could find.

Then came the Army. Most people who new me both before, and after, my four years of service would agree that the Army changed me for the worse. Without parental supervision, and no longer in boot camp, I found alcohol. What I did not find was a parental figure to guide me through those crucial years from 18-22. I was allowed to run amok, and I did. Skipping through a ton of stuff that I have no desire to speak about, my father died from cancer in 2002. I came home from South Korea just days before he passed and left all too soon thereafter.

Upon returning to Korea, I came to realized that I did not just lose my father, I lost something inside of me that I have not yet been able to regain. I do not know what it is, but I can still feel it is missing. Shortly after returning for my final few months of service, my unit was doing its morning physical training. During this morning's particular run, something weird happened to my knee. Just so everyone knows, do not get hurt in the Army. Their cure for everything is to drink water. The medics and doctors do not heal you, they keep you from dying, it's the Army. Needless to say, my knee was never right afterwards. This, tied in with my severe emotional distress, was no help with the bottle.

To sum up the next few years after my discharge, my drinking became a problem. I treated everyone I loved like shit, hurt my friends, used who ever was in my path, and insulted total strangers for no reason. I became selfish, self-centered, and pretty self destructive. To heal a huge, gaping wound, I chose a band aid that was actually worse for me than the pain I was ignoring. Everyone paid for that, myself included.

The selfish part of my Bucket List is to find a way to be a better, healthier person and lead a good life. The sort of life I had prior to my service, filled with friends and joy. I have come to the conclusion that the best thing I can do for my own happiness is to go back to the way things were before I turned into such a miserable person, and that is to run.

I may be a fool, but I am no idiot. Running long distances is not something one jumps right into, especially when considering my circumstances. I am a thirty year old man who hasn't run since 2002, I weigh 240 pounds, and, before now, I never had a reason to run. I also need to radically alter my diet. The first thing that has to go, regardless of the running, is the alcohol. We had some fun times, but they do not make up for the wasted money, time, or damaged and destroyed relationships. Next, and I am sad to say this, is soda. I also have to cut back on eating meat, start eating fruits and vegetables, along with some other small changes.

I am trying to get into good enough shape to complete a half marathon within the next four to six months, if I can find one. I think I can reasonably, and safely, get down to about 190-205 pounds, run the entire half marathon, and be sober and healthy the whole way through all of it. Once I have done this, then I will know that staying sober, being healthy, and running a full marathon will not be a problem. That marathon will be the PF Chang Rock'n'Roll Marathon in January 2011.

The ultimate goal here is to be the sort of person I was before the Army, happy. I am hoping that, through running, I will find the joy that I once had, sort out all of the nonsense in my head, and deal with the emotions that I have repressed for way too long. I might even be able to fix a few of those damaged relationships.