Item #1: Tell Bethani That I Like Her

Life Starts at Thirty
a.k.a.
My Bucket List Item #1


To say that this list starts with a girl is 100% true, but partially beside the point. I hit the doomsday age of thirty on December 4th, 2009. A few days prior to this, I began writing letters to several of my friends, thanking them for being in my life and being my friend. These letters were not for them, but for myself. I wanted to remember what, and who, I was thankful for. During the course of writing these letters, I could not help but take stock of my life, and the things I have done. I graduated high school, served four years in the United States Army, graduated from Arizona State University with my B.A. in English Literature. I’ve done stand up comedy, amateur mixed martial arts fights, published a couple of poems in student magazines, and a few other things. It may seem like a lot, but I also remember all the days and money wasted on drinking and smoking weed. This is not to say such things are bad. I just want to spend the rest of my life doing something more than doing nothing.This list, within two days, came to 55 items. The final tally is something I cannot possibly know at this moment. However, this is where the girl comes in. The list does start with her. “Tell Bethani I like her” is item number one.

Bethani and I have been friends for several years. We met at work. We were both dating other people. Relationships ended, new ones began, and we kept in touch. As time went on, we became better and better friends. Doing things everyone does, and a few that one probably should not do. The more time we spent with each other, the more amazing she became to me. At first, I thought she was a shallow girl with no self-confidence. Today, she is beyond words. Her kindness and generosity are second to none. She can talk intensely about the big things, bs the small things, tell a joke and be completely sincere simultaneously. But that is a big thing, being able to honestly talk with one another. There is more to her, and this, than what’s been put down here. That will stay with me.

However, this is the story of Item #1. Bethani hosted my Thirtieth birthday party. She went above and beyond what I expected. I wound up staying the weekend with her, as the keg was not finished until Saturday, the 5th, and then we still had some rum to enjoy. During one of our talks that weekend, I happened to mention that one of the scariest things a guy can do is tell a girl he likes her. As I was saying these words to her, I had a full body urge to tell her how I felt. I chickened out. Big time. In my gut, I believe that I did not tell her because it is something that should be done with a sober mind, an open heart, and an escape route, should the “just a friend” response be uttered.

I have set my deadline for this Saturday, the 12th, as we will be hanging out all day. If things go well, I may very well end up spending the weekend at her house again. If it doesn’t go well at all, at least I did not waste her day and I will have plenty of time to lick my wounds and write the rest of this. So, here’s to courage, hope, and moving on with my life.